2020… What happened?

I am a Writer. I have always known this. I live and breathe to Write. I have had no greater ambition than to Write. I have things within me that I need to say. I have thoughts I can’t always express verbally – but give me paper and pen, or a keyboard and I can fill an empty page with the language of my emotions so fluidly, that even I, at times… am astonished. I have writing projects on my computer that I visit often – I can visualize the dialogue, settings, times, and places… and as a story-teller, my desire is to build and breathe the most abundant life possible into my characters, all the while tenderly immersing myself into their communities. There is no greater satisfaction than knowing that someday, long after I’m gone from this place… someone will be able to pick up a copy of a manuscript I’ve authored and see intimately who I was through the characters I was able to bring to life within the pages they will turn. Anger, angst, desperation, disappointment, frustration, heartache, joy, pain, love… or the lack thereof, all these sentiments and many more are laid bare… line after line, paragraph after paragraph, page after page.

I have been determined to substantiate myself as a Writer, therefore when I was offered an opportunity to be “published” I believed I was finally on the path to accomplishing a goal I’d set for myself probably as far back as my youth. However, the relationship with that publisher was short-lived as they dismantled their Publishing House (everyone under contract with them would find out they had litigations pending against them… “scandalous indeed”). I found myself wanting to take my literary property back and holding onto it myself. I began the tedious task of re-filing my copyrights, and self publishing – all the while telling myself that if there ever were to be any more disappointments or failures in my efforts… that they would “solely” fall upon “me” – “I” would “own” that – no one else would be able to let me down.

Then came the difficult job of “marketing” myself and creating my “brand”. My former Publisher had taken care of creating a “trailer” for my book and setting up my Author’s Profile on different sites. I had to create a YouTube Channel and it was suggested that I get on Social Media… but everything was done tastefully and geared solely at promoting this particular book. Now left to my own divides… my dream was suddenly stagnated by the fact that I needed to create a “commercial” of my life. What is that? Why is it necessary? I wanted to be “successful” as a Writer, not in “sales.” Should my work be taken seriously only because I was able to market myself and sell thousands of copies of my book(s) or because my project had “content” that captivated and held the attention of it’s readers, and would possibly earn a place (or places) amongst other highly accoladed, and successful titles on one or two “must read” lists? My “fire”… so to speak has been partially extinguished due to the changing literary world . Book signings, Literary Events and Book Fairs have now become free-for- alls… and “I” personally do not find “joy” in this. Everyone now has “written” a book – from “Self Help” to “Let us help you Sell… ” (you fill in the blank) Vendors strategically peddling all kinds of merchandise from essential oils to hair ornaments fill the venues and take away from what is a “calling” for many. I became so disenfranchised with what I was witnessing and in essence… I left the “literary world” behind, it didn’t leave me. Alas, though… there are my “unfinished” works – waiting for me to pick them back up and cultivate the storylines to fruition. They need the crescendos, the nurturing and the depth that only I can give them.

As I pondered how to responsibly do this, and how I would continue to subtly incorporate my “faith based ideology and inspiration” as well as my “activism” for causes dear to my heart into my works and property… the Corona Virus Pandemic happened and I found myself, and my platform “frozen”. I wouldn’t attribute any of this to “writer’s block” or something thereof… I was just questioning what direction “I” should take in promoting the Career I had longed for, and how to stay engaged as my visits to my Author’s Pages began to be less and less frequent because I couldn’t “fine tune” the direction I needed to take for myself and to remain relevant for the few devoted readers who had expectations of me and my standards. There is but one way to do this, and that is to just “do it”… and if you have read this far – I most graciously appreciate you for your dedication and belief in me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.